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Friday, October 1st, 2004
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1:02 pm
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i love Luke...thats all there really is to it...and i cant wait to be with him this xmas....... God i really love him.... i love him...i love him...i love him...............i love him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
current mood:  loved
current music: "I will Always Love You"--Whitney Houston
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| Saturday, September 25th, 2004
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8:01 pm
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Well...my life is soooooooo exciting now.. i barely have rest time. i barely sleep. its insane! my friends are cool as hell. My best friends are erica and katie and i just happen to work with them too.. we usually go everywhere together. like if im somewhere theyre usually not too far behind. and guys are always like wheres the rest of your crew? and i donno i love it though. it still doesnt measure up to VA though. but yeh im going up for xmas and i cant wait! i love that place sooo much!! and i cant wait to see my girls and my baby again. its funny cuz jackie sees him at school like every day nad every day hes like so is she still comin up and jackies like yeh luke...we go through this every day and he said that its just that he wants to see me so bad and hes really excited...AHH its soo adorable. but yeh i knwo this is gonna sound so bad..but theres this kid i kinda like down here.. Jose...its wierd... out of all the players ive met and dated...he by far is the best. and it sucks cuz like he is soo nice and i just cant get mad at him..its like impossible and hes smart too...but every girl wants him and he knows it. We chilled for like 3 weeks straight but for some reason..well some shit went on and i donno whats goin on between us now. his friend steven is cute too but too skinny for me.. especially after being hugged by jose..whos freaking built! ahhg,....i love it when he hugs me.... but yeh um... screw that though.. ive got my baby waiting for me at home. but schools alright. Homecomin is october 23 and i guess im going. All the guys that have asked me i dont wanna go with...but whatever. im goign all out though..like ima make sure im gorgeous..just soo i can rub it all over jose's face. but whatever.. well i gotta go before this hurricane blows the power out. peace yo
current mood:  frustrated
current music: "Away from the Sun"--Three Doors Down
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| Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
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1:17 pm
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Well well well...What am i supposed to do now...i have no clue...all my dreams and hopes have vanished but oh well..i mean i making some pretty cool friends along the way.. Too bad holy crap..yesterday convo with Leigh.... My aspirations in life: Go live at Bora Bora, live in a shack on the beach, surf, and sell coconuts for a living...... Yep! wouldnt it be awsome though. Well lets soo hot so very hot freshman in my gym class..too bad i cant act on it cuz i would fell like i donoo..weird..i just cant do that stuff ya know....its just wrong..but who knows it could be fun..... but yeh I love Jackie and Leslie and Katie, they seriously rock my world..i seriously think they are the only girls that ive never gotten sick of, cuz usually i get sick of people really quick, but nope not them....oh heck no not them..oh and Jess too..shes ssooososos awsome. Praying for you Meg...im here if you ever ever ever ever need me...and so is Katie....but yeh i love you will...even if its been a while.. and well thats about it but i gotta run..peace yo
current mood:  crappy
current music: "Come To Jesus"--Mindy Smith
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| Friday, April 16th, 2004
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3:19 pm
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Weekend, thank god... I hate my life and my school. i dont even wanna wake up in the mornings. I havent done any school work this week at all. the outline for history, nope, the three essays for english nope, anything else..nope. I just cant handle it all at once...so if you would like to cheer me up give me a call..peace yo
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| Tuesday, April 13th, 2004
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11:07 am
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So it turns out my sister had her first makeout kiss and it was all thanks to me!! yeh im soo nice to her and she doesnt even know it. i guess im just a good sister like that i mean, she treats me like crap and we fight and we yell but in the end ive got her back. But yeh it also turns out that she wants to move back to Va too so now my parents have got double the asking and double the negativity. We hate Florida. and im not kiddin when i say that when we were on an airplane back to Va from miami one summer we decided that we werent gonna live in Florida or go to college here..im not joking and look at our luck..i guess we jinxed ourselves. Im sooo not over anything yet though like i wanna go home sooo bad still. Thank goodness nothings really changed its just that i feel like im missin out and you know what i have had some new experiences here..i made a few friends and i wasnt even trying..i learned to keep my mouth shut a lot more..even to people that i would normally tell off. Im proud of myself for having put up with everything for this long but i think that i should be able to enjoy my senior year at the highschool of my choice and get instate tuition while im at it! i wanna go to JMU or VCU, its lookin like VCU but JMU is soooo gorgeous and its in the mountains and its just sooo beautifull up there..and Masinuttin is up there too like 15 mins away and i can snowboard whenever i want! sooo that would help relieve some of the college stress, not to mention that everyone from Ph is going there...no joke. But then again VCU is in Richmond and i would be close to home and it is cheaper..i think...and i think the cost of living would be cheaper too and it has a good business department but so does JMU but at VCU i know i can get it by having some of my people talk to some of their people..i donno maybe i can do both and transfer after a year or two. It really doesnt matter cuz ima end up going up to NY or Pennsylvania or Boston to get my MBA hopefully..thats my goal and then i would come back down south and get a decent job with a company and work my way up. I was thinkin Philip Morris wouldnt be all that bad and theyre in richmond and henrico but i donno if i would wanna stay in that area any more time that i already have and would. Maybe Maryland or North Carolina or maybe even if things go really well i can just stay in Manhattan or New Jersey or i donno..i just love Ashland and i dont think that any one place could compare...but i do love the country nad tennessee is cool but whatever
current mood: bitchy
current music: "Palomita Blanca"--Juan Luis Guerra
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| Friday, April 9th, 2004
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12:53 pm
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I HATE HER!!!!!!! youre supposed to be something im supposed to look up to....what the hell happend to you!!! I HATE HER!!!
I love Leslie and Ashley!! wow Spice Girls will forever be in style
current mood: crappy
current music: "Two Become One"--Spice Girls
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| Wednesday, March 31st, 2004
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11:17 am
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SPPRRRIIINNGG BBBBRRREEAAAKKKK!!!!! i cant wait!!!! LESLIE MICHELLE SALE IS COMIN!!! YEESSS MS. SIZZLIN SALE!! IM SOOO EXCITED!! I HAVENT SEEN THIS GIRL SINCE LAST YEAR!!!! MY SISTER, ONE OF MY BESTESS FRIENDS EVER!!! damn im sooo happy! she knows me inside out like no other...well ok maybe katie and jackie know me that well too, oh wait and will of course, and maybe tyrese, yeh def. tyrese...but i think thats about it...i think...but yeh i talked to leslie the other nite and nothing has freaking changed!! i had just finished talkin to jackie and she had told me some shit that i really didnt wanna hear and then i called leslie and she knew it right off the bat that something was wrong..but i didnt make it seem like if anythign were though..its just that she knows me sooo freaking well... but yeh parents gone sat. and sund.!! aunt gone friday!!!! everything is getting just a bit better all at once... but a few things have gone bad too but maybe theyre for the better. but anyways im soo happy!! spring break!! spring freaking break!!! and its either hanging out w/ leslie and ashley the entire time, or spending time w/ them for a while and then im off to NAPA VALLEY!!!!!!!! dude!!! ive never been to the west coast..and kyna is inviting me to go!! itd be awsome! but yeh man o man..its gonna be great either way...def. have to work on my tan though...its gettin there.. I get to go to the pool today wiht the freshies!! my favorite freshies! theyre soo cool..def. the best kids in school. The only ones with a personality and that arent ignorant! scorage..shit i mean i would def. rather hang out with them instead of these stupid juniors and seniors...i dont really know the sophmores though..but i hear theres some potential there.. But i gotta go peace yo!!! :P
current mood:  excited
current music: "Redneck Woman"--Gretchen Wilson
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| Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004
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3:10 pm
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yo sup my lil heldie......hope erthng is goin aight for u down there.im doin
aight i guess hanging in there.i just wanted to say how much i enjoyed ur phone
call the other sunday.even though duke lost that game i still had a wonderful
time during the day....although i wuz a lil sad that i couldnt get to see u
...... damn i miss u but whaeva i guess.....i might be gettin a second job.... i
only work on sat nites at panera bread cuz my mom wants me to keep my grades up
but i dont really like workin there anymore..... this job at the golf place
probably will be lot of work but the pay is much better and im sure i will be
getttin free pass and shit......also mad might b able to come work wit me
too....but anyways thats bout all the important or just shit goin on wit
me.....still ballin and all that.....write me back.......pics?......tha otha
thng we talked bout haha?
peace and love
luke "lukay" the game bobbitt
ps... sexiest man too
This is why i miss him soo much. Not really cuz of the whole loving him deal..its just that hes just soo funny. I mean his personality just rocks. And although other people may not understand some of it, cuz its mostly inside jokes, its still very cute and i donno. I think that whoever thinks this wont work is crazy, cuz its already been a year and we are both very dedicated with our relationships. He wont let me go, i wont let him go. Thats why we might last a while, or maybe longer. When we are together we might have our arguments but they only make us stronger. We laugh about them afterwards and that just helps us learn how to deal with these things and grow as a person. Its just sooo wonderful and i guess im soo obssessed with it bc its the first time that im actualy dealing with this stuff. Its just so great it gives me butterflies when i think about it. But i have decided that since i barely lost my virginity anyways that im not gonna lose the rest until im married...i owe it to God i think. I mean yeh......its just something good to do ya know. Im really into religion again. I wish i could go to church but my parents dont like it, but i find it to be very relieving and pure and so intimate with others and God. Its a way to figure things out and make yourself a better person and others too. Ima start reading the Bible this summer. I started to on Sund and i think its just soooo inspiring and uplifting. But yeh, i love my dad. hes soo awsome. I love the way he can talk to me about stuff discretely and it seems to persuade me a lot better than to just telling me or anything else. hes really good with communication and with advice. And im torn between following my heart or following what i think i want or what i think i know i, or God wants. Its just soo relative. Like its hard to tell what i/God wants me to do bc everything ive asked from him ive gotten in the past few years...ive noticed. Well i honestly hope he doesnt stop now because i need him now more than ever. Its kinda like that song, Gods greatest gifts are unaswered prayers...well thats what im scared of but in the end i know it will all make sense and it will all be good...its just that for the moment it hurts really bad...bc i want to be there and be held and kissed....and well yeh but i knwo that there is always plenty of time for that. I just wanna be w/ my friends and those who truly care. But maybe once upon a december this will happen. That day is going to be the best day of my life yet. well im out peace yo!
current mood:  giddy
current music: "God's Greatest Gifts are Unanswered Prayers
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| Friday, March 19th, 2004
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1:19 pm
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What is up!!! having the best time in Miami, I dont wanna leave. I hate school, im so mad that they gave me so much work...gosh darn them. Well anyways, Im pretty excited about Virginia now more than ever! Me and megan patched things up, and i honestly never really realized how much that gurl means to me, i mean she seriously is and has been one of my bestess friends ever. Who else would i get in trouble with and bitch other people out with and run through the hall way yelling at kids who were making out. Um...let me think what else, oh yeh what about that time when me and meg were in Coach Harts class and we were all being super bitchy to him and calling him penis hahah and he made us stay after class just to laugh at us cuz we are the greatest....hahaha or that time when the trio was at Jackies house and megan decided to switch bras wiht me and it cut the circulation off of her and then she stuffed socks into the one that i had on...wow that was freaking hilarious!! or the time when it was me Megan, Jackie, and Will at Mr. Ph last year!! holy shit was that one of hte funniest days. Megan and Jackie decided to challenge me and Will to a game of who could hold hands the longest and oh shit me and Will won! yeh and how Amanda M. got super pissed at me and Will for being together and me and meg jus laughed in her face. We were seriously the dynamic duo...no one would even think about messing with us. Oh damn i rememeber when it was me Meg and Katie, the first trio, and the "lesbo" sisters came up to them and started bitching them out and then one of them just started going off on me just for being friends with them and me and megan and katie just stopped at looked at eachother and turned to them and just started going off!!! it was soo great..everyone was laughin sooo hard cuz they knew they had started something, so then they just left cuz they knew they were gonna get a beat down. I miss just runnin through the hallways and singing super loud and making fun of teachers wiht meg. Shes just soo awsome, shes def. the one that let me just be myself and we never cared what anyone else thought, that was our whole theme and everyone knew it. Everyone just wanted to be close to us cuz they knew that they would have a good time if they did. Especially the guys. oh god...me and meg were tearing it up during seventh block freshman year..heck yes with anthony martinez..starting quarterback and a senior with a real bitch for a girlfriend who got super jealous bc she new we could take her man...hehe.. oh and then the hottttt junior Eric Joyce who i ended up getting really close with. Oh it was soo awsome. And the time when the four of us: Megan, Katie, Jackie and me were all at Katies house and we were all on the hamoc lookin up at the stars and talking about guys and then we all fell...yeh thats just a picture perfect memory. I really miss not caring and having the best time ever. I seriously think that those times with her and my gurls were the times of my life. Cuz we know how to have fun but not in a stupid way, cuz we know when to stop and we know our limit and we know how to get the hottest guys and ohhh god..i just miss those little moments. But yeh i love this im realy happy that we are friends again and this is def. for the better. For both of us. Well im out, gone to the beach and then its back to get my hair and nails done!! but i cant wait for the miami heats game tomorrow! lukes gonna be soo jealous..hhaahah :)!! but im gone!!! peace out yo!
current mood: excited
current music: "Ciega Sorda Muda"--Shakira--
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| Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
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3:35 pm
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Yeh whats up yall. Going to Miami this weekend!!! :)!! I need out! im soo glad im getting out of this stupid town! see i prolly wouldtn have had that big of a problem with moving if we would have moved somewhere where the people arent ignorant to life and care about more than expensive purses and stupid crap like that..oh yeh i have a LV purse, big fuckin deal man its a purse!!! and some of those are really ugly anyways. I honestly think that it shows how much people disregard the value of a dollar. I mean people that buy those damn purses like if it was nothing but they are super expensive and a waste of money. Ignorance. But anyways!!! cant wait till summer! and winter and next year!!! im in love hahahaha and im loved which is more important! i mean its hard to accept some times but its just there and soo hard to ignore. We love eachother and i want him sooo bad in more ways than 1. Wow the day that i see him again will be the day my heart stops crying and the day when everything will come together and the day i get my life back. Thats how important this kid is to me. We are a 17 and 16 year old having a 25 year old relationship...its soo great though because we are both super good with relationships so i know that this is going to end up working! and once it does its gonna be sooo awsome!! yay!!! im soo excited!! but yeh theres always tomorrow thats my saying now..thats what i go by every day! but im gone peace yo!!
current music: "I think im in love"--Jessica Simpson
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| Tuesday, March 16th, 2004
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11:09 am
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Well, considering that this year has sucked ass...and that i hate this freaking school. I have a preminition that this summer will be tough but will be all worth it because next year is going to rock! i feel it, its going to be so awsome that im starting to get that feeling already, its really wierd. But yeh i hope katie comes to her senses and comes home where she needs to be, maybe the whole megan thing will help her change her mind. but yeh I think im in love!! ohhhyyeeehhhh!! score one for the team here kids!! I donno whats up with jackie cuz i havent talked to her much but its all good cuz i know that shes going through a lot of stuff with the meg deal and ryan and ohh but itd be awsome if they get together!! cuz hes sooo hot!! hotter than anyone ive gone out thats for sure! but im pretty content with the stuff ive pulled...:) but yeh i gotta run...i love you will, katie, jackie, meg..take care of yourself damnit!, luke...well you know...i love you, and my gurl leslie..we're gonna party it up like no other during spring break! hell yeh! turn it up! right on! hell yeh sounds good!!
All i wanna do is let it be and be with you and watch the wind blow by,
All i wanna see is you and me go on forever like the clear blue sky....
im still thinkin of you......
current mood: bouncy
current music: "Officially Missing You"--Tamia
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| Monday, March 15th, 2004
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11:24 am
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hey hey! spring break here i come! yay for leslie and ashley! well im having a pretty good day and yesterday was the best day ever!!! well not really but it was pretty damn good!! but yeh I LOVE YOU!! nad you know who you are!!! MUAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! peace yo
current mood: loved
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| Friday, March 12th, 2004
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12:03 pm
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hey whats up, really easy day today too. My parents leave tomorrow mornign and i get to have the whole house to myself!yay!! cant wait, finally some time alone!!!! and nope sorry no party, and im not gonna have anyone over either...Its a spa weekend for me, i need some time alone. This place sucks ass so the only thing that brings me comfort is doing my thing without anyone there. i have a research paper to do and its biting me in the ass...oh well ill start it tonite and finish it tomorrow. But yeh i gotta run. Peace yo
I love you Jackie, Megan, Katie, Leslie, Will
current mood: aggravated
current music: "Lean on Me"--Tempations
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| Thursday, March 11th, 2004
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12:40 pm
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yeh whats up...exams today, they were pretty easy so yeh..and i get to stay all by myself this weekend. :)
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| Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
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5:09 pm
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Well today is my William Alexander's Bday and also our anniversary from last year..the first time he ever called me. Too bad i wasnt the one to even remember, he was. Hes soo awsome i love him to death. Im so confused with everything. I really cant stand my life nemore. Its not even worth fighting for because so far its got me no where. I wish i could gain my moms respect a bit quicker so i can go home. i really cant stand this place. I mean the only people that i feel I can at least be a little bit like myself with are the Puerto Rican kids and the kids in gym class. I like the freshman way better than the gay junior class. Well i donno, I talked to Spencer on Sat. hes was sooo high but its all good cuz he def. has changed and way for the better. I feel bad cuz he used to go out with leslie and ive been dating all the guys she hasnt been able to work out with. but it doesnt matter anyways cuz im in Florida but i love Spencer too..its crazy, i mean being so far away from everything that ive known and loved because i realize how awsome our relationships were and how great the people get along there. Theres no groups or anything, everyone hangs out with everyone and thats how it is, i mean yeh you have your best friends but then you have other ones in other groups and its just one huge big group..thats what was going to be so awsome about prom because our class rocks and we know how to party and everyone knows this. The seniors are comming to our parties and so are college people, i mean we've earned our respect but mostly its because our class is cool as hell and to think that i would be up there in charge of everything and i donno i see myself now and i look back upon the roll that i played up there..and what i came up with as this...i kept frienships working, i made people be best friends, hooked people up, stopped fights, made fights, i was the funny one, the smart one, the one who skipped class and the ones that all the teachers fell in love with. yep thats me! i had everything. From the bestess friends to the best teachers to the best sport to the best area to grow up in. Im very proud..obviously. But yeh im trying to go to summer school to graduate in January and leave in December to at least spend time with my people up there but it tears me up inside that the one special day when you graduate high school, I will be in the sidelines watching all my friends graduate together and share that amazing experience, and i know my heart will just break..but at least ill be there...supporting, but i want more. I want more than what life is giving me. I want my life back. I want to fix this relationship between me and my mom and just go home. Like the meaning of the word home is soo sacred and i mean you can only give it to certain places in the world during your life and that has def. hit my list. Florida is alright but not for me. Def. not for me. Its just this area i think bc in Miami i meet people that are way cooler but this area thats full of prissy stuck up little rich girls that never have anything bad happen to them and are ignorant to the world. I mean Ive spent my entire life telling myself that i would never hang out with anyone like that because if i did i would have to shoot myself cuz i cant stand them. They dont have any personalities and it just bothers me really really bad that people can be that ignorant and depend on their parents for so much. I guess im more intuned wiht the real world and down to earth about these things but they are the ones that are gonna get screwed because they are gonna have to face people taking advantage of them and not taking them seriously. Oh well good for them, then maybe will they learn that not everything is peachy king and that your mom pissing you off because she looked at you the wrong way or asked you what was wrong is not your biggest problem. Damn it...grr..i donno im just super tired of pretending and its just not me and well if you like it fine if you dont not a problem either. I donno i just know what i want in my life and i know that i will get it whether it takes me 3 or 1 year to do it. I always get what i want sooner or later, my devotion and my strive help me achieve everything that in my dreams ive ever wanted. Every wish, every prayer has been answered if not by God well then i helped myself get it. Well im getting tired of writing so ima head on out..and if someone reads this, this is my diary and my business so if you have any opinions keep them to yourself...k thanks.
Peace Yo
current mood: pissed off
current music: "Here in my Room"--Selena
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| Saturday, March 6th, 2004
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5:03 pm
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| Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
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3:14 pm
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LukAy804: yo....when u talk to my sweet gurl please let her know that my computer has been ------ up so i havent been able to write her....tell her to give me a call if she can or jusst tell her thnx for tha pics.,... it wuz nice to actually see her instead of makin it up n my mind......anyways tell her i havent forgotten to write i just havent able to......thnx peace...tell her i miss her and still love her
isnt that the sweetest thing ever...i feel so bad because after my mom and i had that big argument on Sat. i felt that she might have been right..and i started doubting him..but you know what i guess i did know what was goin on between us and i wasnt played...but i donno its just not hte same...like if i were to go back, things would be different and i would think more about whats good for me..take care of me first bc its about time i start making smarter decisions and when i get out on my own its the time to only think about myself because i need to make sure that i will be successful and i dont wanna get wrapped up in other deals..and a boyfriend would just add more pressure. Not to mention if i were to go back to Virginia my schedule would be school, maybe early morning classes now that im used to getting up early, getting out early to do co-op, come back for volleyball and then back home to sleep. After volleyball season i would get another job if possible, like at a restaurant and i could work one nite a week and then weekends. But im willing to do all of this to get residency there. I really wanna go to VCU, its like my dream school, it has everything i need for a reasonable price, im familiar with my environment, i know the people there, and its in the center of everything. I really want this..i mean not only to see my friends and go to MY school where i feel that i fit in and can be myself, but also to develop my career!!!! i have soooo many people that can help me and if my parents say that i cant go for senior year its just goin to put me through hell for the next 3 years because it would be sooo much harder on me to reach my goal..but no mistake i will reach it. There might be a change of plans here or there, like a transfer to a better school if possible..but thats what i have up to date now. I know that i wont commit the same mistake i did last summer because i cant help to think how it has messed up my life..prolly just as bad as ending up pregnant..and i cant help to think how awful i feel about what my mother had to go through. I mean she might not think that i care, but i really do and thats what frustrates me, she doesnt believe me and even though she has a reason not to...its just killin me inside because its just gettin in the way of my life. I mean im not blaming her for what happend..i take full responsibility for it. But there comes a time to get over things and move on..and i guess this is one of those things you should get over and forget...or try to at least. I have the bestess friends ever, who have seen what ive done to myself and have threated me saying stuff like heldie if you come back i will be tracking you down and keeping an eye on you because you better not blow this. Will!! i love Will! hes my angel. Hes like heldie i will not let you ruin this for yourself..i know you will start out responsible as hell and your gonna do everything right..but when it comes time to hang out and youve gotten used to things im not going to let you do something stupid to blow your future...youre parents in order for this to happen have given you the greatest gift ever and im not gonna let you blow it. Sweet aint it!!! and jackie is the same way...shes like heldie theres a time to do everything..and im sure we have all learned that in the past year but if you come back up things will be different in the fact that you will not be partying as much as everyone else cuz you have more responisibilities and ima make sure you have good grades to please your mother and father because thats prolly the biggest way to give them some payback...for them to see that you are being responsible..and that would prove it. What else could i want!!! i wanna go home..this isnt over yet..mom has said no a million times but i will keep fighting. My heart is there..and i just have to go back. but ima run! peace yo
current mood:  hopeful
current music: Watch the Wind Blow By--Tim McGraw
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| Wednesday, February 11th, 2004
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3:16 pm
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hey well, my life..is just over. i cant take this family anymore..i keep getting put down every time i go home...even by my little sister, i seem to cry really easily now..over anything and everything...i never used to be that way..but thats how my family has got me...my mom and my sister are my worst enemies..and it makes me really sad bc thats not how its supposed to be. I mean i love them to death but if they dont stop with this i know im never going to be able to forgive them...and honestly i dont want to have that happen. I need help, like a psychiatrist or something but i already know what shes gonna say, i just hope that some one can tell my mom how to fix this cuz she has no clue and you can tell..i mean i know what there is to be done to fix this..but she cant even look at me, less even talk to me. Whatever..i just wanna go home...this is not home..my home is with the people that love me unconditionally and treat me right. But i guess its time to go, peace yo.....
current mood: depressed
current music: "Hold On"--Good Charlotte
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| Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
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1:04 pm
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Aghh I SCORED THE ONLY TOUCHDOWN DURING GYM CLASS!!! hell yeh man..im just sweet like that..but yeh i found out today that Katie might be moving back to VA!!! omg thats soo exciting bc if my mom is considering letting me go back like i think she is..then that would be a way to go bc she knows that her parents love me to death and that they would take real good care of me..and its not like if i would be imposing or anything bc me and katie do the same things..volleyball, sports events, same classes, same everything!!! yay!!! omg if i go back senior year its gonna rock..its going to be the best! bc finally its gonna be us throwing it down at parties and shit not like bein an underclassmen and having to hang out with the juniors and seniors to hit up their parties even though that was fun too..but i get to be the hostest! yay! but school would rock..i would have my business program back! Co-opin..yes sir! and i would be a cheerleader for the basketball team so i can cheer for my baby :)..and aghhh it would just be great bc everyone loves me up there and its not something that i have to work for ya know..here with my parents i feel that i have to do stuff to make them love me and to care about me..when it shouldnt be that way at all..but yeh i talked to my aunt last nite and she said that shes gonna have a talk with my mom about everything and the aunt that is living with me now is also going to have a talk with her, and i pray to God that this all goes well...im going to start meditating and working on my spirituality more bc i find that to be soo useful for problems like this..i mean if i can see a glimpse of what next year is going to be and why then maybe i could help myself out ya know...I'd do anythign though..i would honestly do anything to go home..and i would be a lifeguard there during the summer..and get paid a shit load of money cuz its the country club..and during the year i have my co-op, but i think ima work at a restaurant too. Then i get a car, bc i get my liscence!!! everything is going to come together i hope..and i hope that i havent jinxed myself with knowing certain things but we'll see. I know that im not going to Martin County High School next year though..thats a definite but may God here my prayers of wanting to graduate with the people i love. Ill do anything! and then i can finally be with my baby...i just need to feel that kind of love again..no not like that but i mean, theres the kind of love that you get from your friends, and then in my case rarely from your parents..but theres something about a love that a boyfriend or a guy you really care about shows that it just lights up your world. Its just soo magical. I cant wait to have that when i get married..thats prolly the thing that im looking foward to the most, finding the perfect guy and starting a new life with him, starting clean..no mistakes no nothing, and starting a family with children, lots of them..living in the country in my nice country house with a white picked fence...the simple American dream..thats all i want in life. Well we will see how things go but ima run and do some homework while im still awake! peace out yo!
current mood: hopeful
current music: With You-- Jessica Simpson
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| Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004
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4:56 pm
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Ahh fuck grandma..i dont need this shit at all..my mom needs to shut the hell up all shes doing is trying to make herself look better by sayin of if you hadnt done what you did you would be in Va right now..well thats bullshit and she knows it..and too bad right now im having a convo wiht jim and im finally getting the chance to set things straight...but i donno i just need to get out..no more man no more..i dont need this..and he didnt play me..fuck that man i think i know what im doing and have been doing...blaaa whatever..fuck florida...im out peace
current mood: pissed off
current music: Complicated-- Good Charlotte
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heldie's journal